This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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