look no pants
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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