the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
