I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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