After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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