I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
