how can u be prego again
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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