This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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