TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize