But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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