the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You need a sexual gate keeper
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
