I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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