i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
