New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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