my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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