Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
