Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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