I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
