Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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