so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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