What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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