we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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