Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize