Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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