My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize