dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sorry my hands just texted you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
