i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
