you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
