So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize