You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
