just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
