just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This house was built for laser tag.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
