I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
