there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
