Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
