Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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