My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
