is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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