Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
