worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
