Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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