If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
