BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
