I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
