I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
