DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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