I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm getting married
To pizza
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
