6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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