so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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