I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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