i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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