Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
worst night to have a conscience
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need a beard to bite.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
