Yo dont text me then not text me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
