yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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