come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize