remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Don't make out with my wife yet
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
