It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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