Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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