at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
