you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
