I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
