I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
