Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
