i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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