brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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