And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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