its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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