Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize