Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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