We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
