I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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