I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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